


Having You.

by JenCollins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean love Cas, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sam is a Good Brother, Year after end, a bit of angst, dean is hurt, fluff?, still a lot to learn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:48:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27545608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenCollins/pseuds/JenCollins
Summary: It's been a year after they won over Chuck.Everything is good, it is.Dean finally have Cas.Only at what cost?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	Having You.

**Author's Note:**

> Just heat of the moment idea that I just needed to pour out instead of writing new chapter for my other work.
> 
> It's been a long time since I wrote anything for SPN but here we are.
> 
> Enjoy.

Dean slowly woke up by feeling light kisses trailing over his bare back, sending shivers down his spine.

He groaned a bit, but a smile started to creep over his lips.

Everything was good after they defeated Chuck. Everything was slowly going back to normal. Just with more happiness added.

Kisses kept trailing over Dean’s back, stopping over his shoulders, warm breath ghosting over his ear.

\- Time to wake up, Dean. - 

\- One more kiss, Cas? - Dean rolled over to his back, finally opening his green eyes to meet piercing blue ones.

Cas smiled, leaning down and pecking Dean on the lips before getting out of bed and walking out of the room.

Dean just shook his head, a small smile playing over his lips.

He slowly got up and dressed, going to the kitchen to grab something to eat.

Cas was already sitting there, smiling up at Dean like the innocent Angel he was.

\- You could at least make me some coffee. - Dean huffed a laugh, pouring himself some coffee before stepping closer to Cas, stopping in between his legs and letting Cas hands rest over his hips.

\- You know that I couldn’t. You need to drink up and get going. Lunch with Sammy in an hour. - Cas smiled lovingly up at Dean.

\- I know. I just want to spend more time with my Angel. - Dean sigh, running a hand through Cas’ soft hair, getting lost in his eyes.

They stayed like that for a moment longer before Cas ushered Dean to the Baby, pecking him softly over lips.

Dean sighed again, closing his eyes for just a moment longer, trying to capture as much of Cas touch as possible.

\- Why couldn’t you come with me? - He breathed out, finally daring to open his eyes and look up at sad blue ones.

\- You know that they wouldn’t understand, Dean. - all smiles were lost, all there was, was sadness in the deep blue eyes.

\- Still. I want you next to me. I need you. - Dean hated how his voice broke at the end.

Cas just smiled sadly, something flashing in his eyes.

Dean knew that this talk was pointless, they have gone over it hundreds times already over the past year and still, the answer remained the same.

Cas could be with Dean only in private and mostly only in the bunker or Baby.

It hurted a bit, but it still was better than not having him at all.

\- Just… - Dean took a deep breath, steadying himself before continuing. - Just, please, don’t disappear again, okay? I need you. I can’t without you. -

Dean’s tone was pleading, his eyes full of unshed tears, searching Cas blue ones that stared back deep into his soul.

\- Of course I stay. I’m with you no matter what. You know that. - Cas smiled slowly, giving Dean’s forehead a soft peck before stepping back, waving when Dean drove away.

Lunch with Sam and Eilleen went absolutely lovely.

They were living just outside town in a cute family house, expecting their first baby and both being happier than they have ever been.

Dean was happy for both of them, not being able to wait to meet the little one adding to their family.

They were sitting back, their lunch already finished, Dean’s hand currently on the Eilleen’s round belly, feeling the small baby kicks, grin spread over his face.

Sam was watching him with Eilleen. They were glad to see Dean so smiling, it felt good to see the happiness slowly returning to his features, knowing what a mess he was just after their grand ending, after losing Cas once again.

\- So, Dean, have you been out lately? - Sam slowly asked, trying to read his brother who seemed to be absolutely lost in feeling the baby kick his hand.

\- I have left the bunker, if that’s what you mean. - Dean didn’t even take his eyes off of the round belly.

\- No, I mean like with someone. - 

\- Why do you ask? - Dean tensed a little, smile disappearing from his face, he slowly sat back up, finally looking over at Sam.

\- We were just wondering. It would be healthy for you to start going out more, interacting with people. Maybe meet someone. - Sam shrugged.

\- And why would I want to meet someone? - Dean’s tone was turning a bit harsh.

\- Dean, I was just thinking that maybe it would be good for you. I see that you already are doing a lot better, but maybe it’s finally time for you to move forward. I’m sure that Cas would want for you to be happy. - Sam said gently.

\- And you really think that I would be happy with someone else? Someone random? I’m over simple hookups, Sam. I don’t want them. I don’t want anybody else. - Dean was barely holding in his anger, it was so easy to make him explode.

\- Dean. - Sam ran a hand over his face, looking tired all of sudden.

Dean was gritting his teeth, ready to explode when a soft and oh so familiar hand was laid on his shoulder. He looked over and saw Cas standing there, having a calming hand resting over his shoulder, making all his anger disappear.

Dean took a deep breath, letting himself get lost in these deep blue eyes for just a moment longer before looking back at Sam.

\- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have got so angry with you. I just… You know that I don’t need anyone else. - the touch on Dean’s shoulder was grounding him, making it a lot easier to breathe.

\- I know, Dean, I know. I just want for you to be happy. Really happy. - Sam sighed.

A hurt look passed over Dean’s face, he looked back over to where Cas was but he wasn’t there anymore, Dean sat up a bit straighter, looking around but the blue eyed Angel wasn’t seen anywhere, panic was starting to settle deep inside the pit of Dean’s stomach.

\- Dean, are you alright? - Eilleen asked softly but Dean just couldn’t drop that feeling of dread, the same unsettling feeling he felt right after Cas was taken.

\- Dean? - Sam called out worriedly, finally snapping Dean out of his frantic search.

\- m? - Dean forced his eyes to settle on Sam and Eilleen, noticing the matching worried looks painted over their faces. - I’m okay. Just tired. -

Dean flashed a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

He needed to get home, he needed to talk to Cas, to hug him, hold him close.

\- I’ll go now, you two have a nice day. I heard that there’s a new movie showing over in the cinema. Have fun. - Dean pushed himself up, rushing outside, scanning everything around him before rushing to the Baby.

Sam and Eilleen watched him go with worried looks.

\- I really don’t think that he’s doing okay. - Eilleen gripped Sam’s hand in hers.

\- I know. I just don’t know what to do. - Sam sighed, burrowing his eyes at seeing Dean driving away, a horrified look painted over his face.

\- Cas! CAS! - Dean rushed into the bunker, tripping on his haste to get inside to Cas. - Cas! -

Panic was now gripping all his insides, making him feel nauseous.

\- Cas! - He cried out almost desperately, not finding Cas anywhere in the bunker.

With every opened door the dread just intensified till he finally stopped at the room where Cas had been taken.

He slowly opened the door and stepped inside.

\- Cas? - His voice wasn’t louder than whisper, he stopped right where they standed before it all happened, memories overhelming Dean and making him grab his head and drop down to his knees with a cry of how deep the pain was inside his chest, it really was the deepest torture possible.

He didn’t know how long had passed, there were no tears left in his body, he wasn’t even shaking anymore, just laying motionless there on the ground, his eyes fixed on the wall where he saw Cas disappear.

A soft hand was laid on his chest, making his head shot up.

\- You need to go to bed, you’ll get sick laying on the cold floor for so long. - Cas said softly, helping Dean up and leading him back to his bedroom, tucking Dean in the bed.

\- You were gone. - Dean crooked out, not taking his eyes off of Cas, not daring to even blink.

\- Of course not. I’m always with you. Right here. - Cas softly touched Dean’s head and then his chest over his heart that was finally calming down. - You just didn’t see me. That’s all. -

\- Please don’t leave. - Dean slowly breaths out, feeling exhausted, his vision getting more and more blurry with every passing second.

Cas was there, everything was well.

Dean dared to blink, just once, slowly.

His room was empty, only him laying on bed.

He blinked again. 

Cas was still there, looking down at him.

One more blink.

Alone again.

Just one more blink.

Cas slowly leaned down and pecked his lips.

\- Sleep now. I’ll see you in your dreams. Sleep. - his voice was so soft and so so familiar, lulling Dean back to sleep.

\- Dean? - A soft call from Sam woke him up from a pleasant dream of him and Cas fishing.

Dean nuzzles closer to Cas, breathing in the scent of his blood.

\- Dean? - The call came a lot closer, near his room, making him finally open his eyes.

Bloody handprint were the first thing he noticed.

He groaned, slowly pushing himself up before looking back down.

There, where Cas should be laying, his shirt with a bloody handprint still on one shoulder.

\- So today’s the day, again? - Dean shook his head before getting out of bed and going to meet Sam.

\- Hey, are you alright? You look a bit ill. - Sam said with worry in his voice, taking in how ruffled Dean looked with his eyes all puffy.

Dean just shook his head.

\- Not a good day. Not a good day. - He murmured before dragging himself into the kitchen where Sam had already laid out breakfast that Eilleen had cooked in the morning.

He simply sat down and made himself to eat, his mind going back to calling out to Cas, begging him to come back, even for a little bit.

Sam watched Dean for a moment longer before sitting down himself.

\- Want to talk about it? - He asked warrily.

\- Cas’ gone. - Dean murmured before taking a long sip of his coffee, not daring to look up at Sam.

\- Dean… It’s been a year. - Sam sighed.

\- It’s just… He… - Dean’s voice broke, tears already welling in his tears.

He couldn’t help but look around, hoping for Cas to show up but nothing happened. He closed his eyes and prayed like he was now used to do almost every day but still, nothing happened.

Tears made its way down Dean’s cheek.

\- I can’t, I can’t! - Dean was having trouble breathing, Sam moved in an instant, gathering Dean into his arms.

Dean cried his eyes out, gripping at Sam as if his life deppened on it.

When he finally calmed down and opened his eyes, Cas was leaning against the opposite wall, arms crossed against his chest, a sad look on his face.

Dean sat up right away, trying his best to get rid of the tear streaks from his swollen cheeks.

\- You came! - relief was coating every word and just the look of Cas was calming Dean down. - He came. - 

Dean turned to Sam with a tired smile on his lips.

\- Of course, Dean, of course. - Sam watched Dean with even bigger worry but Dean just leaned back against Sam, his eyes trained on the opposite wall, small smile still playing over his lips.

\- You came… You come… - Dean mumbled to himself, his eyes dropping shut, sleep taking over.

There really was something wrong with his brother and Sam had no idea who to go to for help.

**Author's Note:**

> How did you like it? Tell me all about it!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


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